


Clearly They Have Made Some Bad Decisions

by jessng



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Basically Anime References, Chatting & Messaging, Crack Treated Seriously, Drunk Texting, Fluff and Crack, Illustrated, Implied Sexual Content, Instagram, M/M, Mutual Pining, Out of Character, Social Media, Tumblr, Twitter, Various Messaging Applications, Yuri!!! on Ice References, accidental feels, fourth wall annihilation, i'm sorry this is complete crack, pop culture references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-11-12 20:17:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11169294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessng/pseuds/jessng
Summary: Of course they have to fuck up somehow. They're humans after all..Tags updated as the story progresses for the Element of Surprise™.Formerly "The Chronicles of Ralph Fallon's Gravely Mistakes"





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [west end kids](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7031071) by [jellyfishwing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfishwing/pseuds/jellyfishwing). 



> To avoid confusion, here are the boys' social media accounts, listed in the following order, and will be updated as this goes on:  
> Tumblr • Twitter • Instagram  
> Ralph: oceaneyes • rugbytheocean • gallileostarboy  
> Jack: faceitimanasshole • fuckinexclusive • 8.in.dick  
> Simon: dont-touch-my-succulents • lordoftheplants • gardenista  
> Piggy: journaphile • glassesarenttoysjack • local.nerd  
> Roger: princecharmingmyass • severelyapathetic • high.on.lithium  
> Maurice: meme-rice • morerice • memechiefmaurice  
> Sam: samuel-l-jackson-backup • thing1 • unknown  
> Eric: erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me • thing2 • unknown
> 
> Yes, I am aware that Jack's tumblr url is the same as myself, and yes, I am aware that Jack is proud of his 8-inch dick.
> 
> Also, the names in this fic have been taken from my sci-fi fic, [Different Kind](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7498038/chapters/17042355). Please check it out if you want to know why Ralph's instagram account is gallileostarboy.

**gallileostarboy**

Liked by **gardenista** , **local.nerd** , and **56 others**

 **gallileostarboy** "don't they know, it's the end of the world  
'cause you don't love me anymore."

View all 16 comments

 **gardenista** HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU MY LOVE I WILL CUT HIM

 **8.in.dick** wtf fallon 

30 minutes ago

 

 

**Today 23:39**

**simone**  Ralph hun it's okay he's not worth it  
**simone** Here I'll bake some cookies for you and bring them tomorrow  
**Me (Ralph)**  you're too precious simon, it's super late, you don't have to  
**simone** Shush you're my friend of course I'll make you cookies  <3   
**Me (Ralph)** thanks  
**simone** Now go to sleep! I will hate you forever if you stay up and get drunk tonight!  
**Me (Ralph)**  yeah i will

 

 

Jack Merri-8-inch-dick retweeted  
**scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1h

maurice needs a slap retweet if u agree.

 

Fallon Angel retweeted  
**scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1h

maurice needs a slap retweet if u agree.

 

 **WHAT IS COVFEFE** @morerice • 30m

Y U HATE ME

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1h
> 
> maurice needs a slap retweet if you agree.

 

 **ALL HAIL HARAMBE** @thing1 • 25m

hAH GET REKT 

> **WHAT IS COVFEFE?????** @morerice • 30m
> 
> Y U HATE ME

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 9m

i''m sooo ssd,,,

 

 

 

 

 **faceitimanasshole** reblogged from **princecharmingmyass**

> **princecharmingmyass**
> 
>  "i am shit, i am shit, nuh nuh nuh nuh fuckin dick."
> 
> \- Crywank

u okay bro?

 

 **princecharmingmyass** reblogged from **faceitimanasshole**

> **faceitimanasshole**
> 
> u okay bro?

ofc i'm not i'm never okay

 

 **oceaneyes** reblogged from **princecharmingmyass**

> **princecharmingmyass**
> 
> tbh if someone can hit me really hard with a shovel rn it would be great.

 

 **oceaneyes** started following **princecharmingmyass**.

 

 **oceaneyes** started following **faceitimanasshole**.

 

 

 

Today at 0:15

 **oceaneyes** HELLOOOOOOOOO

 **faceitimanasshole** wtf?

 **faceitimanasshole** fallon? 

 **oceaneyes** YESSSSS ITSSS ME

 **faceitimanasshole** what the fuck are u doing?

 **oceaneyes** I''M sOOO TISPY

 **oceaneyes** TIOOSU

 **oceaneyes** TIPSYYY

 **oceaneyes** I;M DRINK

 **faceitimanasshole** yeah but why are u drunk texting me?

 **faceitimanasshole** and it's a fucking wednesday night too what are u thinking?

 **oceaneyes** IDJ

 **oceaneyes** IDKKKK 

 **oceaneyes** I DONT WANT SSIMON OT KNOW I;M DRUNK

 **oceaneyes** I''M DRINKKIN MY PROBLENS AWAYYYY

 **faceitimanasshole** u can't be serious

 **oceaneyes** YES I m very

 **oceaneyes** no who ate my capssss

 **oceaneyes** i wNT MY CAPS

 **oceaneyes** THERE THEY ARE

 **faceitimanasshole** jesus fuck

 **faceitimanasshole** look fallon

 **faceitimanasshole** we are like fucking arch nemesis and now ur drunk texting me 

 **faceitimanasshole** joe is graduating soon, ofc he's going to have to break up with u

 **faceitimanasshole** if u knew he was going to graduate u shouldn't have agreed to the relationship in the first place

 **faceitimanasshole** u also shouldn't drink your problems away like that it doesn't fucking help 

 **faceitimanasshole** trust me i tried

 **faceitimanasshole** shit that sounds way too goody-two-shoes for my own good

 **oceaneyes** ITS HELPING

 **oceaneyes** HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

 **faceitimanasshole** it's not

 **oceaneyes** BITCH111!!!!!

 **faceitimanasshole** yes this is bitch here what do u want?

 **oceaneyes** I WANT LOVE

 **oceaneyes** I WANT TO BE LOVED

 **oceaneyes** I WANT THE SEXY TIMEEEEE

 **oceaneyes** I WANT TO MAKE OUT WIHT SOMEINE

 **oceaneyes** I WANT TO LICK NIPPLEDDD

 **faceitimanasshole** get ur sexy time from ur daddy not me

 **oceaneyes** I DONTTT HAVE A DADFY ANYMORE

 **oceaneyes** HE LEFT

 **oceaneyes** AT LEAST I THINK HE DID

 **oceaneyes** IDK

 **faceitimanasshole** too bad he isn't ur real daddy

 **oceaneyes** SHITS BEEN COMPLICATED AS FUK

 **oceaneyes** AGGHHHHH 

 **oceaneyes** FUCK YOU

 **faceitimanasshole** when?

 **faceitimanasshole** where?

 **faceitimanasshole** how?

 **oceaneyes** ANYTIME

 **oceaneyes** YOUR BED

 **oceaneyes** IM STRAPPIN YOU DOWN

 **oceaneyes** AND IM GNNA BLOW YO UNTIL YOU SCREAM

 **oceaneyes** OR WHEN YOU BEG FOR ME TO STOPD

 **faceiimanasshole** how about the opposite?

 **oceaneyes** NO

 **oceaneyes** I DO DAT

 **oceaneyes** YOU SUFFER

 **faceitimanasshole** no, u suffer

 **oceaneyes** aghhhh

 **oceaneyes** IM A DOM WHEN I;M DRUNK

 **oceaneyes** FUCK OFF

 **oceaneyes** SO I CAN FUCK YOU

 **faceitimanasshole** no

 **faceitimanasshole** i'm a dom

 **faceitimanasshole** fuck, but if i'm a dom

 **faceitimanasshole** and ur a dom

 **faceitimanasshole** then who's driving the car?

 **oceaneyes** SIMULTANEOUS FUCKING

 **oceaneyes** FUCK YEAH

 **faceitimanasshole** that will break both our dicks

 **oceaneyes** IT'S CALLED 69

 **oceaneyes** BIH

 **oceaneyes** HAH

 **oceaneyes** GENIOUS

 **oceaneyes** MOUTH TO MOUTH

 **oceaneyes** DICK TO DICK

 **oceaneyes** YEAH

 **faceitimanasshole** let's fucking go then?

 **oceaneyes** BUT I Hve no rideee

 **oceaneyes** i would love o scuk you

 **oceaneyes** legit

 **oceaneyes** i bet you taste soooo goood

 **faceitimanasshole** i probably taste like piss water bc imma be honest i just peed

 **oceaneyes** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 **oceaneyes** I'M DYINGG

 **oceaneyes** JACKKIE NOOO

 **faceitimanasshole** call me jackie again and i'll fucking murder ur ass

 **oceaneyes** TURNED ME THE FUCK OFF

 **faceitimanasshole** so u were turned on just now?

 **oceaneyes** BUT I STILL WANT TO

 **oceaneyes** NOM NOM SLURP SLURP

 **faceitimanasshole** u ruined ramen for me

 **oceaneyes** YEEEEE

 **oceaneyes** IMM go sleeeeeppp

 **oceaneyes** thank yiuuu 

 **oceaneyes** ilm kinda hPPY NOW

 

 

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 3m

fucking eventful night

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

what tf happened lmao.

> **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 10m
> 
> fucking eventful night

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1s

pm 

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1m
> 
> what tf happened lmao

 

 

 

 **emo punk**  
1:02

okay spill.

lmao fallon drunk texted me

wtf? why?

u know the ordeal with joe and stuff

apparently kid's heartbroken

so he got drunk and texted u?

must be desperate lmao.

nah he said he didn't want simon to know

whoever tf that is

bro simon's in ur choir.

 ?which reminds me, why aren't u in choir this year

band, chamber ensemble, that kind of shit.

lmao remind me next year to snatch u way before they do

sure.

?how's it going with maurice

i gut-punched him this morning?

?no mushy romance stuff

idk i'm shit at it.

man ur pathetic

yeah why do u think i don't want a fucking prince charming?

?so maurice isn't a prince charming

fuck no.

he's fucking far from it.

?is that why you like him

fuck off.

i don't gut punch people i like.

u gut punch everyone u angsty shit


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Roger are hardcore shippers.

Today at 6:08 

 **oceaneyes** OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY FOR LAST NIGHT

 **oceaneyes** I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING 

 **oceaneyes** I WOULD FUCKING GO BACK IN TIME AND SLAP MYSELF IF I COULD

 **oceaneyes** A MILLION TIMES SORRY

 **oceaneyes** I SWEAR I DIDN'T MEAN ANY OF THAT

 

 

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 2m

FUCK

 

 **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 1m

WHAT HAPPENED???? 

> **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 3m
> 
> FUCK

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

i'll tell you at school

> **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 1m
> 
> WHAT HAPPENED????

 

 **WHAT IS COVFEFE** @morerice • 1h

profound realization, indeed

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

what the fuck? u don't normally use long words like this.

> **WHAT IS COVFEFE** @morerice • 1h
> 
> profound realization, indeed

 

ALL HAIL HARAMBE 2 retweeted  
**scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 8h

maurice needs a slap retweet if u agree.

 

 

 

**dont-touch-my-succulents**

Quick WIP before I head to ~~Satan's torture chamber~~ school  <3

#yoi  #yuri on ice  #yuri plisetsky  #loOK AT THAT ON-POINT MIDDLE FINGER WILL YOU

 

 **oceaneyes** reblogged from **princecharmingmyass**

> **princecharmingmyass**  
> 
> no seriously fucking hit me with a shovel. do it hard. fucking hurt me. fucking kill me in one swing.

 

 **meme-rice** reblogged from **princecharmingmyass** and added:

> **princecharmingmyass**  

> no seriously fucking hit me with a shovel. do it hard. fucking hurt me. fucking kill me in one swing.

the two middle sentences lmaoooo

i would gladly do it to u hard hunn not sure abt the hurting tho <33333

 

 **princecharmingmyass** reblogged from **meme-rice** and added:

> **meme-rice**
> 
> the two middle sentences lmaoooo
> 
> i would gladly do it to u hard hunn not sure abt the hurting tho <33333

ew. go away.

 

 **princecharmingmyass** reblogged from **dont-touch-my-succulents** and added: 

> **dont-touch-my-succulents**
> 
> Quick WIP before I head to ~~Satan's torture chamber~~ school  <3

his hair is a little messy on the right but i love the left side. looks like he stars in a pantene commercial.

#yoi  

 

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** reblogged from **princecharmingmyass** and added:

> **princecharmingmyass**
> 
> his hair is a little messy on the right but i love the left side. looks like he stars in a pantene commercial.

Lmaoo I will never understand if you're trying to compliment me or not but okay thanks <3

#He is so vague all the time lmao

 

 

 

 **emo punk**  
10:32

fallon apologized

so?

is that ur only reaction to everything nowadays?

sorta. why?

obv i need to text back something

not like i could fucking ignore it forever

we're sitting in the same fucking class it's awkward enough already

u guys are enemies.

awkward is an understatement.

well i enjoyed the drunk texts

that's the problem

what the fuck.

since when were u able to catch feelings?

fuck off roger i didn't

then what do u call this?

idk

anything but feelings

falling for a tipsy boy like a fucking obsessive figure skater?

i've seen that. only not irl.

that is still feelings

why am i wasting time with u anyway? 

ur shit at romance

does that imply that u call ur feelings for fallon romance?

shit

fuck

no

ofc not

yeah sure. 

whatever u say.

simon from ur choir is better than me at this sappy shit u should ask him.

and how the fuck do u know that?

i follow his blog on tumblr where he gives cheesy-ass love advice. 

what's his blog?

eager aren't we?

fuck u

dont-touch-my-succulents. that's his blog.

thanks bro

np.

 

 

 

Today 14:35

 **Ralph**  ffuck simonn  
**Me (Simon)** Yes hun I'm here for you  
**Ralph**  i'm so embarrassed and merridew and i are still lab partners by default and i can't face himm  
**Me (Simon)** There's nothing I can do about that I'm sorry :((   
**Me (Simon)** Don't worry I will stand from afar and give you mental support!!!  
**Ralph**  thanks, you're always the best simon  
**Ralph**  and thanks for the cookies too they were delicious  
**Ralph**  bUT I STILL CAN'T FACE MERRIDEW LIKE THIS I WILL DIE  
**Ralph** i miss joe :(((((  
**Me (Simon)**  I'm sorry I can't do anything :((  
**Ralph** thanks anyway maybe your cookies will help :))

 

 

 

Today at 15:03

 **princecharmingmyass** jack is head over heels for ur boy fallon.

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** OMG really??

 **princecharmingmyass** idk he seems so.

 **princecharmingmyass** if he pm u tonight don't tell him i told u anything.

 **princecharmingmyass** based on the way he talks about fallon there's a 99.999% chance of him falling fucking hard for tipsy boy.

 **princecharmingmyass** just like

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** *softly* Don't

 **princecharmingmyass** VIKUTORUUU.

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** BE MY COACH VICTORRR!!!

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Lmao you just had to use that period didn't you?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Why don't you ever use exclamation marks?

 **princecharmingmyass** unlike u and maurice, i don't feel that much excitement. 

 **princecharmingmyass** anyway u should go and make sure fallon doesn't shit bricks in his embarrassment.

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** How did maurice make his way into this convo though?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Hmm?? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **princecharmingmyass** honestly i'm sick of this shipping between me and maurice first jack and now u?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** I mean it's your fault for being too obvious ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **princecharmingmyass** fuck off.

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Why do you have to hurt me like this? I'm sensitive you know :(((

 

 

 

**gardenista**

Liked by **gallileostarboy** , **local.nerd** , and **35 others**

 **gardenista** It's the perfect weather and scenery so I decided to put Billy there for a bit

View all 3 comments

 **local.nerd** Send my greetings!

 **8.in.dick** u named ur plants? wtf?

14 minutes ago

 

**memechiefmaurice**

Liked by **high.on.lithium** , **8.in.dick** , **gardenista** , and **79 others**

View all 9 comments

 **high.on.lithium** is this what the tweet this morning is about?

 **gardenista** OMG PM me now!!! Or maybe later tonight like at 2 or something because we're going to talk about feelings™

4 minutes ago

 

 

 

Today at 18:09

 **faceitimanasshole** are u simon?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SON??

 **faceitimanasshole** what the fuck?

 **faceitimanasshole** u mean fallon?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** YES OFC IT'S HIM

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?

 **faceitimanasshole** fuck, i'm the victim here

 **faceitimanasshole** ur "son" drunk-sexted me 

 **faceitimanasshole** okay?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** NOT OKAY

 **faceitimanasshole** what the fuck else do you want?

 **faceitimanasshole** okay whatever 

 **faceitimanasshole** so the thing is i enjoyed that sexting 

 **faceitimanasshole** and i want it to continue

 **faceitimanasshole** idk roger called it feelings but i'm pretty sure i hate fallon's fucking guts

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** HOW DARE??

 **faceitimanasshole** what the fuck now?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** HOW DARE YOU HAT E MY SON???

 **faceitimanasshole** okay ur obv crazy as fuck and idk why roger said u were good at this sappy advice shit but jfc chill out

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Did you say love advice? Because love counselor Simon is here and definitely very queer

 **faceitimanasshole** w hat?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** In your case, it should be a blooming love/hate relationship. You're confused because you want him, but you don't think you do, and it's okay, everyone ~~kind of~~ goes through this phase. 

 **faceitimanasshole** so what should i do dear mister advisor?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** As of now, Ralph is really sensitive. He's just gone through a horrible break up, and he needs someone to be there for him. Ofc I'm going to be that one because I'm his mom and dad and aunt, but he needs someone else beside me, like an emotional companion who will be there during his drunken hours and remind him that there is still someone thirsting over him

 **faceitimanasshole** so all ur saying is that i can just tell him i enjoyed the sexting and he could annoy me more with his sexts? 

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Yes, my patient. That is exactly what you're going to do.

 **faceitimanasshole** thanks? i guess?

 

 

 

Today at 20:58

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Mission accomplished!

 **princecharmingmyass** what?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** I kept Jack drunk-sexting Ralph

 **princecharmingmyass** okay?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Apparently they are unaware that they have a love/hate relationship

 **princecharmingmyass** and it's news because?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Okay yeah

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** I mean Jack looks at Ralph's ass a lot if I can recall

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** And Ralph does talk a lot about Jack even when he was dating Joe

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Mostly about how narcissistic he is but stILL

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** The mere fact that they are thinking about each other!!

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** They say that hate is a stronger emotion than love, and it keeps people thinking about each other more

 **princecharmingmyass** is that why the anti-otayuri fandom are even more obsessive about the ship than the shippers themselves?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** DON'T go off-topic

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Anyway, I propose the solution to Ralph's heartbreak and Jack's unresolved sexual tension: Get these two together

 **princecharmingmyass** okay.

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** You seem uninterested, let's talk about Maurice then!

 **princecharmingmyass** fuck u.

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Come on Roger, you know you want to!!

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Roger?

 

 

 

Today 23:00

 **faceitimanasshole** it's okay i enjoyed it

 **oceaneyes** REALLY? THANK FUCK

 **oceaneyes** NOW PRAY TO FUCKIN GOD BECASUE THERE'RE GNNA BE SOME MORE DRUNK SEXTS COMMING YOURWAYYY

 **faceitimanasshole** fuck

 **oceaneyes** YES THt;s exactly whT I WANT TO DOOOO

 

 

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1m

why did i listen to simon?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special thanks goes out to [The Meme Chief™](https://www.tumblr.com/search/meme-rice) for accidentally providing me with Maurice's tumblr url and instagram account, i am indebted forever


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~~Fuck~~ Frick!

**smol angsty bean**  
3:46

what are the feels in that post the other day? s p i l l.

what feels?

don't fucking lie to me u piece of shit.

the fucking meme.

what is there to it?

nothinnn

 

 

 

Today at 7:12

 **meme-rice** SIMON DO U RMB THAT TIME U SCHEDULED ME FOR A FEELINGS™ TALK AT 2 AM BUT I COULDN'T ATTEND BC mEmEs???

 **meme-rice** I NEED IT ASAP

 **meme-rice** also SUCCulents lmao

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Shush now is not the appropriate time. Wait until 2 am tonight and you shall speak in front of me.

 **meme-rice** lmao u act like a priest

 

 

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 2h

fucking murderous.

 

 **WHAT IS COVFEFE** @morerice • 1m

@lordoftheplants sAvE mEeEeEeEEEEEeeeee

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 2h
> 
> fucking murderous.

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

@lordoftheplants are u in on whatever the fuck it is he's doing? disposing of two bodies will be a hassle u know.

> **WHAT IS COVFEFE** @morerice • 1m
> 
> @lordoftheplants sAvE mEeEeEeEEEEEeeeee

 

 **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 1s

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1m
> 
> @lordoftheplants are u in on whatever the fuck it is he's doing? disposing of two bodies will be a hassle u know.

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1s

wtf did i miss out on? @severelyapathetic pls refrain from murdering while @rugbytheocean and i are doing business

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

wtf noOO we haven't done shit don't believe his lies

> **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1m
> 
> wtf did i miss out on? @severelyapathetic pls refrain from murdering while @rugbytheocean and i are doing business

 

 **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 1s 

Sure you didn't hun ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

> **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s
> 
> wtf noOO we haven't done shit don't believe his lies

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 2m

fuck u and ur and ralph's horny asses 

> **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 3m
> 
> wtf did i miss out on? @severelyapathetic pls refrain from murdering while @rugbytheocean and i are doing business

 

 **No. 1 Bookaholic** @glassesarenttoysjack • 1s

Jesus what have you guys been doing! 

> **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 2m
> 
> wtf noOO we haven't done shit don't believe his lies

 

 **No. 1 Bookaholic** @glassesarenttoysjack • 2h

Listen to my new study tip podcast here:

https://studyglasses.com/podcast/bullet-journaling-and-reasons-why/

 

 

 

**princecharmingmyass**

happy caturday.

#cat  #doodle  #cat doodle

 

 **faceitimanasshole** reblogged from **princecharmingmyass** and added:

> **princecharmingmyass**
> 
> happy caturday.

nice

 

 **oceanboy** reblogged from **pas-esthetique** and added:

> **pas-esthetique**
> 
> **Want more? | Shameless Plug**

ffuck i wanttt

 

**dont-touch-my-succulents**

Me looking back at my life like

#doodle

 

 **faceitimanasshole** reblogged from **oceaneyes** and added:

> **oceaneyes**
> 
> ffuck i wanttt

mmmhmm tell me more

 

 **oceaneyes** reblogged from **faceitimanasshole** and added:

> **faceitimanasshole**
> 
> mmmhmm tell me more

noOOO THIS GOES IN PM

 

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** reblogged from **oceaneyes** and added:

> **oceaneyes**
> 
> noOOO THIS GOES IN PM

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Son, we need to talk

 

**princecharmingmyass**

Давай. my hand slipped.

#yoi  #yuri plisetsky  #doodle  #Давай

 

 **oceaneyes** reblogged from **dont-touch-my-succulents** and added:

> **dont-touch-my-succulents**
> 
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Son, we need to talk

YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!

 

 

 

Today at 23:29

 **oceaneyes sent a text post** "Fuck me slow and hard daddy..."

 **faceitimanasshole** tell me more

 **oceaneyes** no that's all you get for today 

 **oceaneyes** i'm going swimming

 **faceitimanasshole** in the middle of the fucking night?

 **oceaneyes**  

i think the fuck not

 **faceitimanasshole** fuck u thicc

 **oceaneyes** what?? i'm not that thic

 **oceaneyes** but thank youu

 **faceitimanasshole** and are u like naked or something?

 **oceaneyes** nah my swimming trunks are just short

 **faceitimanasshole** any chance i can talk to u while u chill in the pool?

 **oceaneyes** nah i don't have my waterproof case with me

 **faceitimanasshole** and does ur family own a fucking hotel or something

 **oceaneyes**  we just have a really cool outdoor pool

 **oceaneyes** btw 

 **oceaneyes** before i go swim

 **oceaneyes** why did you say we were arch enemies the other day?

 **oceaneyes** i thought we had a good relationship?

 **faceitimanasshole** no reason

 **faceitimanasshole** go swim or whatever

 

 

 

 **faceitimanasshole**  

shit

 

 **princecharmingmyass** reblogged from **faceitimanasshole** and added:

> **faceitimanasshole**  
> 
> shit

good, i like how vague this is.

#proud bro

 

 **princecharmingmyass**  

ro x si art collab with dont-touch-my-succulents coming soon to a theater near you.

sincerely, your local fanboy.

 

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** reblogged from **princecharmingmyass** :

> **princecharmingmyass**
> 
> ro x si art collab with dont-touch-my-succulents coming soon to a theater near you.
> 
> sincerely, your local fanboy.

 

 

 

Today at 2:03

 **meme-rice** I AM HERE

 **meme-rice** AND I AM VERY QUEER

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Good

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** But first

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** I have a gift for you

 **meme-rice** yAYAYAYA PRESENTS

**dont-touch-my-succulents**

****

Here!!! (I got lazy with his hands lol)

 **meme-rice** holy fucking shitballs

 **meme-rice** mother of all the fucks

 **meme-rice** simon u sly little sHIT

 **meme-rice** and hOW DARE HIS HANDS ARE ONE OF THE BEST FEATURES OF HIM

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Love you too  <33

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Tbh doodling Roger is becoming my favorite thing to do now lol

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Especially in suggestive positions because hIS FACE IS JUST

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** FRIGGIN MADE FOR IT

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** And you must have a lot of ideas for what his hands can do hmm? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **meme-rice** fffFUCKKKK

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Now that that's out of the way, I take it that you understand the direness of this situation?

 **meme-rice** what situation?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** The situation that you and Roger are NOT TOGETHER

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** As a professional matchmaker I cannot allow for that to happen

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** You like him don't you?

 **meme-rice** ofc what else would that meme be for

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** You need to confess

 **meme-rice** nO NO NO NO

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Why?

 **meme-rice** he will gut me

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** No! He likes you too

 **meme-rice** he lItErAlLy BaRfEd at the sight of me

 **meme-rice** i don't think he can make it clearer that he hates me 

 **meme-rice** i'm sad meme :(((

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Aww don't be sad

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** I'm positive he likes you back okay?

 **meme-rice** and how do u know that???

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** I have my method ;)

 **meme-rice** meme is still sad :((

 **meme-rice** bc meme no trust simon

 **meme-rice** simon is shit matchmaker :((

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** HOW DARE I AM THE GREATEST OF ALL MATCHMAKERS IN MATCHMAKERLAND

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** I'll tell you what, I will gather solid evidence for you that Roger likes you back, and if I can't I will change all of my usernames and urls to shitmatchmaker or something like that

 **meme-rice** yayay :)) meme is a little happier

 **meme-rice** roger still gut punched me tho 

 **meme-rice** even tho i sent him cat gifs :((

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Now that, my friend, is what I call true love

 

 

 

 **ALL HAIL HARAMBE 2** @thing2 • 2h

binge watching #2brokegirls tbh Oleg and Sophie need to cHILL

 

 **No. 1 Bookaholic** @glassesarenttoysjack • 4h

I should buy eggs.

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 5h

nO PIGGY I MEAN HUGH I SWEAR I HAVEN'T DONE SHIT WITH HIM

> **No. 1 Bookaholic** @glassesarenttoysjack • 11h
> 
> Jesus what have you guys been doing! 
> 
>  

**WHAT IS COVFEFE** @morerice • 1m

 

 **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 1s

Who is that I wonder?? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

> **WHAT IS COVFEFE** @morerice • 1m

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

wHAT THE FUCK HANNAH. #13reasonswhy

 

 **ALL HAIL HARAMBE** @thing1 • 1s

WHO?????

> **WHAT IS COVFEFE** @morerice • 3m

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1m

why the fuck is everyone feeling emotions all of the sudden.

> **WHAT IS COVFEFE** @morerice • 5m

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 2m

SAMEEE

> **WHAT IS COVFEFE** @morerice • 10m

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 2m

everything is better after a swim

 

 

 

**gallileostarboy**

 

 

Liked by **8.in.dick** , **gardenista** , and **4 others**

 **gallileostarboy** everything is better after a swim

14 minutes ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't draw dicks for shit


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ralph and jack watch important videos  
> ralph gets drunk once again  
> simon is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**to love u is covfefe** @morerice • 3h

those who meme together, stick together 

\- maurice 2k17

**scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 3h

i have an urge to jump off the nearest bridge.

 

 **to love u is covfefe** @morerice * 1h

nOOO DON'T 

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 5h
> 
> i have an urge to jump off the nearest bridge.

 

Fallon Angel retweeted  
**to love u is covfefe** @morerice • 5h

those who meme together, stick together

\- maurice 2k17

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1m

@rugbytheocean i got the ice cream u coming over or nah?

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1m

we have inbox for this kinda stuff don't we?

> **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 2m
> 
> @rugbytheocean i got the ice cream u coming over or nah?

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

what about me u dildo?

> **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 2m
> 
> @rugbytheocean i got the ice cream u coming over or nah?

 

 **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 2m

HOLY PEANUT BUTTER IT'S REAL PEOPLE!!!! JALPH IS FLIPPIN REAL!!!!!!!! @severelyapathetic WE'RE GOING DOWN WITH THIS SHIP

> **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 3m
> 
> we have inbox for this kinda stuff don't we?

 

 **No. 1 Bookaholic** @glassesarenttoysjack • 1s

What is "Jalph"? Have I been missing out? 

> **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 2m
> 
> HOLY PEANUT BUTTER IT'S REAL PEOPLE!!!! JALPH IS FLIPPIN REAL!!!!!!!! @severelyapathetic WE'RE GOING DOWN WITH THIS SHIP

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1m

todos me abandonan.

**Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1s

lol go play with maurice u suicidal shit 

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 2m
> 
> todos me abandonan.

 

 

 

 **jackass  
** 13:52

heyy can u buy some condoms and bring them over to me

thanks

wtf?

what do u need them for?

u know what nevermind i think i figured it out on my own.

plss

i'll buy ur cat a cat hat

what? u think i'm that cheap?

i won't do it.

fine, what about this?

[Cat Hoodie](http://pin.it/C_8-NOm)

roger?

fuck u.

fine i'll buy u and ur little boyfriend condoms.

what no we're not boyfriends

we're like fuck buddies

who will fuck for the first time today

about two weeks ago u guys were enemies.

then he drunk-texted u.

then comes this fucking mess.

what? is drunk-texting the way to seduce the great jackass merribitch now?

just hurry up u don't have to insult me every time i ask for a favor

You set Merridew's nickname to jackass merribitch Change

whatever u want just hurry tf up

 

 

 

**Today 14:02**

**Me (Ralph)** heyy just texting to say that i'm almost there  
**Me (Ralph)** also i brought my dogs hope you don't mind  
**Me (Ralph)** srry i forgot i had to walk them today so i kinda ran with them to your house, meaning i will probably be sweaty af  
**Virtual Daddy** nah u good what breed?  
**Me (Ralph)** um.. a golden retriever, a samoyed, and a husky  
**Virtual Daddy** like a big-ass husky?  
**Me (Ralph)** yeah lol  
**Me (Ralph)** my dad couldn't resist it  
**Me (Ralph)** he likes big-ass dogs  
**Virtual Daddy** what are their names?  
**Me (Ralph)** the golden retriever is Gold, the samoyed is Leslie, and the husky is Will  
**Virtual Daddy** lmao ur namings are more creative than roger's  
**Virtual Daddy** he fucking named his cat cat  
**Virtual Daddy** anw i'm probably doing chores at the backyard when u come so just ring the bell or have ur dogs bark at the door   
**Me (Ralph)** okay lol

 

 

 

**Today 14:05**

**maurice's secret crush** i'm at your back door.  
**Me (Jack)** thank fuckk fallon just came  
**maurice's secret crush** u have two weeks to buy that fucking cat hoodie.  
**maurice's secret crush** else i'll circumcise that blonde motherfucker and cut his fucking balls off.  
**Me (Jack)** y u gotta be like this  
**maurice's secret crush** two weeks.

 

 

 

 **princecharmingmyass** reblogged from **kinky-violet** :

> reblog if ur a power bottom and need someone to do pet play with

#yes.  #i need someone as my pet cat.  #or dog.  #dog works too.  #preferably cat.

 

**meme-rice**

fFUCKKKKK

 

 **princecharmingmyass** reblogged from **meme-rice** and added:

> **meme-rice**
> 
> fFUCKKKKK

good and vague. keep up the good work.

 

 **Anonymous**  
Simonnn i need ur help my sis got her heart broken by some fuccboi and i need to get revenge. 

**dont-touch-my-succulents**

You should consult @princecharmingmyass for this, although I think he will suggest mass homicide ;)

Anyway, here are some of the things you can do:

[Hand sanitizer evil](http://guff.com/the-most-evil-prank-ideas/hand-sanitizer)

[If the guy works at a restaurant](http://guff.com/the-most-evil-prank-ideas/evil-tip-prank)

[If you work at a restaurant](http://guff.com/the-most-evil-prank-ideas/to-go-bang)

[If you work at a restaurant part 2](http://guff.com/the-most-evil-prank-ideas/nah-gets)

 

 **faceitimanasshole**  

when important videos saves the day once again

 

 **Anonymous**  
Simon ur kinda harmless...

**dont-touch-my-succulents**

HOW DARE

 

 **meme-rice** reblogged from **faceitimanasshole** and added:

> **faceitimanasshole**
> 
> when important videos saves the day once again

YASSSS IMPORTANT VIDEOS ARE IMPORTANT AFFF

 

 **oceaneyes** reblogged from **the-little-world** :

> **Things all littles can agree on:**
> 
> 1\. Littles won't obey daddy/mommy even when punished
> 
> 2\. Littles love their stuffies just as much as they love their mommies/daddies
> 
> 3\. But mommies and daddies are still a bit more important (:
> 
> 4...
> 
> Read More

 

 **oceaneyes** reblogged from **shy-smol-boy** :

> once in little space
> 
> forever in little space

 

 

 

Today at 13:53

 **oceaneyes** SIMONN HELPPP

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Yes, my child?

 **oceaneyes** I'M SWEATY AF AND I DON'T THINK VIRTUAL DADDY LIKES THATTT

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Just have fun and be yourself

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Bring Gold in maybe? I think he'll help a bit

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Don't fret, my plans never fail unless they do

 **oceaneyes** honestly what kind of encouragement is that?

 **oceaneyes** it's your idea for me to run to his house with the dogs and you'd better take full responsibility for that

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Does that mean I get to be the godfather?

 **oceaneyes** you know what i'm gonna go back to watching important videos 

 **oceaneyes** who even listens to you??

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Quite a lot of people, actually

 **oceaneyes** yea sure

 

 

 

 **to love u is covfefe** @morerice • 1m

H E CAN'T TAKE A FUCKIN SIGNAL I'M C R Y I N G

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

who is it this time and how much of their dick do i need to chop off?

> **to love u is covfefe** @morerice • 1m
> 
> H E CAN'T TAKE A FUCKIN SIGNAL I'M C R Y I N G

 

 **to love u is covfefe** @morerice • 1s

uuummmm u won't like me anymoree if i say who it iss

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1m
> 
> who is it this time and how much of their dick do i need to chop off?

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 2m

watching important videos with @rugbytheocean and his three doggos #imindogheaven

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

what? u fucking betrayed cats? how fucking dare.

> **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 2m
> 
> watching important videos with @rugbytheocean and his three doggos #imindogheaven

 

 **to love u is covfefe** @morerice • 1s

i don't think anyone can be as oblivious as he is

 

 **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 1s

RIGHTTT????

> **to love u is covfefe** @morerice • 1m
> 
> i don't think anyone can be as oblivious as he is

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s 

@fuckinexclusive poppin open some beer

THIS GON BE LIT

 

 

 

Today at 15:09

 **faceitimanasshole** this better work else i'm sacrificing ur fucking succulents to satan

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** You fool. He who shall not be named™ does not like plants

 **faceitimanasshole** u act like he's voldemort or some shit 

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** He might be

 **faceitimanasshole** tbh i'm still questioning myself why i keep listening to u until now

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** You know I'm always right ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **faceitimanasshole** do u always have that emoji? u never make that face irl

 **faceitimanasshole** irl u is like a fucking piece of wood

 **dont-touch-my-succulents**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Online personas are dangerous

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** And so is drunk Ralph

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Wear protection my friend

 

 

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1m

4TH B EER THJS IS GREEEEEEAAATTTT

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

FUCKJJ YIUU JOEWWEEW

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

FIFTH BEER

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

SSSSHUT UP WIL I;MMM DRINKJING

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

I WANBT TO PEERRE

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

*PEE

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

HAHA H THAT KJD JUSR FEWLL IN TJE POOOL

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

wwwaIUT DADDYT WY U TAKING PANTS OFFFFFFF>>>>

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

entertaining enough.

 

 **No. 1 Bookaholic** @glassesarenttoysjack • 1s 

@rugbytheocean Ralph! What do you think you're doing!!? @fuckinexclusive I know you have something to do with this!

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

fucking leave them alone pork. not your shit.

> **No. 1 Bookaholic** @glassesarenttoysjack • 1m
> 
> @rugbytheocean Ralph! What do you think you're doing!!? @fuckinexclusive I know you have something to do with this!

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

DADDY HaSssAS THICCCC DJCCCC


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> piggy's beautiful bullet journal which is actually mine but fuck it it's his now

**meme-rice** reblogged from **mini-oreo-love-dont-question** :

> **captainlitebrite**
> 
> when there's Some Big Meme sweeping across the internet but it never crosses your dash and you've gotta sherlock holmes your way to the original like some historical memeologist 

#relatable

 

 **princecharmingmyass** reblogged from **ultimatetrashcan** and added:

> **incorrectnanbaka**
> 
> Honey *singing*: GO SUCK A DICK, SUCK A DICK, SUCK A MOTHERFUCKING DICK.
> 
> Trois *while playing the piano in the background*: Suck a dick, suck a huge or small dick~~

@dont-touch-my-succulents you're trois i'm honey.

 

 **princecharmingmyass**  

ro x si art collab.

I - // o t a y u r i //

#yoi  #yuri on ice  #yuri plisetsky  #otabek altin  #otayuri  #ro x si art collab.

 

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** reblogged from **princecharmingmyass** and added:

> **princecharmingmyass**
> 
> ro x si art collab.
> 
> I - // o t a y u r i //

Next part will be posted by me! Stay tuned kids

((In this piece Otabek was drawn by me and Yuri was drawn by Roger!))

#Roger wanted the spaces because they're a e s t h e t i c lol

 

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** reblogged from **princecharmingmyass** and added:

> **princecharmingmyass**
> 
> @dont-touch-my-succulents you're trois i'm honey.

Yuss!! What is this anime btw? It looks fun

 

 **princecharmingmyass** reblogged from **dont-touch-my-succulents** and added:

> **dont-touch-my-succulents**
> 
> Yuss!! What is this anime btw? It looks fun

nanbaka.

 

**princecharmingmyass**

「君の名は」はすごいだった。

＃君の名は  #kimi no na wa  #your name

 

 **Anonymous**  
Roger!! You're oddly active on tumblr today what's the occasion?

 **princecharmingmyass**  

i'm always active on tumblr anon. it keeps me from jumping off the nearest bridge.

#ask  #anon

 

 

 

**8.in.dick**

Liked by **high.on.lithium** , **memechiefmaurice** , **gardenista** and **45**  
**others**

8.in.dick finally, someone worthy of my dick

View all 34 comments

 **high.on.lithium** i know where the condoms went now. not that i didn't earlier.

 **memechiefmaurice** OMG PROTEC THE CHILD (aka @high.on.lithium) BTW MY DICK IS LONGER THAN URS BY 1 INCH JACK SYKEEE

34 minutes ago

 

 

 

Today at 2:09

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** SOO

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** WHAT HAPPENED???

 **faceitimanasshole** he stayed over?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** THEN YOU TWO ARE OFFICIAL????

 **faceitimanasshole** fuck it if i know

 **faceitimanasshole** idek ur strategy would work like wtf

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Secret matchmaker power ;)

 **faceitimanasshole** wtf

 **faceitimanasshole** ok ur my wingman now show me the next move

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** At a cost

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** WAIT WHY ARE YOU SO EAGER TO GET INTO MY BBY'S PANTS????

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** YOU FUCKBOY

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Anyway you should start going on morning runs with him

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Joe was a lazy bum and Ralph was already starting to hate his guts when they broke up (not enough to not be sad when they did though MY POOR BBY)

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** OH NOES I SPILLED TOO MUCH WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT THE PRICE™

 **faceitimanasshole** say it and i'll do it

 **faceitimanasshole** ur practically harmless, it shouldn't be something hard to do

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** OKAY SO 1. Take photos during sex and send them to me because I'm tired of going to porn sites every time I need references

 **faceitimanasshole** that's easy i can do that

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** 2\. Help Roger realize his crush on Maurice and help them get together and be happy and get married and adopt kittens

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** 3\. Make me the legal guardian of your children that you and Ralph will adopt in ten years

 **faceitimanasshole** about thing 2, u don't think i'm already doing it? he's obviously falling for meme boi 

 **faceitimanasshole** about thing 3. u can have the kids i don't like children

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** HOW DARE YOU 

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** CHILDREN ARE THE BEAUTIFUL AND PURE CREATIONS OF GOD

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** I WILL FIGHT YOU

 **faceitimanasshole** how? ur as tall as me but ur hand grip is like 77 pounds who's terrified of that?

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** ON TUMBLR

 **faceitimanasshole** ok don't i don't want ur fangirls sending me death threats

 

 

 

 **oceaneyes**  

finally getting over you

 

oceaneyes

**youtu.be**   
**lo-fi mix | this is cute — you are cute.|** ** >**

 

 **Anonymous**    
rogerr do u mind if i ask how many languages do u know?? u seem v multilingual and i admire u v much

 **princecharmingmyass**  

thank you anon. i mainly speak english, sometimes spanish. i'm learning japanese and french, and i know a bit of russian because my mother's side of the family is from russia.

#ask  #anon

 

 **journaphile**  

http://studyglasses.com/blog-posts/the-complete-guide-to-bullet-journaling/

A lot of you guys wanted me to do a guide after the podcast so here it is! Click on the link above ^^^ to get to my website!

#bullet journal  #bujo  #study tips  #organization  #study blog

 

 **oceaneyes** reblogged from **journaphile** and added:

> **journaphile**
> 
> http://studyglasses.com/blog-posts/the-complete-guide-to-bullet-journaling/
> 
> A lot of you guys wanted me to do a guide after the podcast so here it is! Click on the link above ^^^ to get to my website!

seriously why are people so fucking good at everything like wtf??

 

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** reblogged from **oceaneyes** and added:

> **oceaneyes**
> 
> seriously why are people so fucking good at everything like wtf??

Same boo, same. Can you even BELIEVE that Roger knows FIVE LANGUAGES??? I'm fanboying smh

 

 **samuel-l-jackson-backup** reblogged from **dont-touch-my-succulents** and added:

> **dont-touch-my-succulents**
> 
> Same boo, same. Can you even BELIEVE that Roger knows FIVE LANGUAGES??? I'm fanboying smh

who's on the Rogermon ship with me they're so pure

 

 **erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me** reblogged from **samuel-l-jackson-backup** and added:

> **samuel-l-jackson-backup**
> 
> who's on the Rogermon ship with me they're so pure

nah i'm more of a Roger/Maurice kinda guy

#PLS TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE

 

 **princecharmingmyass** reblogged from **journaphile** :

> **journaphile**
> 
> http://studyglasses.com/blog-posts/the-complete-guide-to-bullet-journaling/
> 
> A lot of you guys wanted me to do a guide after the podcast so here it is! Click on the link above ^^^ to get to my website!

#important.

 

 

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 2h

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING TALENTED? @fuckinexclusive I HATE YOU I CAN'T EVEN MAKE AN OMELETTE @glassesarenttoysjack I HATE YOU TOO I CAN'T 1/2

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 2h   
Replying to @rugbytheocean

EVEN DRAW A STRAIGHT LINE LIKE WTFFF 2/2

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckin exclusive • 1m

that's why u need me ;) i will make u all the omelettes u want

> **Ralph Fallon** @rugbytheocean • 2h
> 
> WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING TALENTED? @fuckinexclusive I HATE YOU I CAN'T EVEN MAKE AN OMELETTE @glassesarenttoysjack I HATE YOU TOO I CAN'T 1/2

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

but i hate omelettes i was just giving examples

> **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckin exclusive • 1m
> 
> that's why u need me ;) i will make u all the omelettes u want

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 3h

@glassesarenttoysjack ok normally i hate u but your bullet journal looks amazing.

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1s

:(

> **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s
> 
> but i hate omelettes i was just giving examples

 

 **ROGICE LIVES** @thing2 • 30m

tragic. a war against my own flesh and blood

 

 **CHIEF OF THE ROGMONS** @thing1 • 30m

only one shall make it out alive

 

 **No. 1 Bookaholic** @glassesarenttoysjack • 2h  
Replying to @severelyapathetic

Thank you? I guess?

 

to love u is covfefe retweeted  
**Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 28m

Whose side are you on? :)

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

@thing1 @thing2 @lordoftheplants @morerice thanks. my tumblr broke.


	6. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the ship war and eric fanboying over maurice because this is madness + a tiny bit of written story at the end because i can't show that much fluff and angst through texting

**erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me**

Sam and i created a [poll](https://goo.gl/rUsRA3) for the ship war! Vote now!

VOTE FOR MAURICE

 

 **samuel-l-jackson-backup** reblogged from **erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me** and added:

> **erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me**
> 
> Sam and i created a [poll](https://goo.gl/rUsRA3) for the ship war! Vote now!
> 
> VOTE FOR MAURICE

VOTE FOR SIMON!!!!!!!

#VOTE FOR AESTHETIC PLANTSMAN FANBOY TO GO WITH AESTHETIC ANGSTY FANBOY

 

 

**iamfuck**

wAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT BUT WHO'S MAURICE??? WHY IS HE THE PERFECT MATCH FOR OUR SON????

 **erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me**  

oH CHILD U ARE ACTIVATING MY MEMELORD FANBOY MODE

THIS MAN RIGHT HERE @meme-rice IS MAURICE

HE IS NOT UR TYPICAL, EVERYDAY HAPPY-GO-LUCKY GUY IN THE FACT THAT HE HIMSELF IS THE DANKEST MEME THAT HAS EVER GRACED OUR SOIL, A LITERAL GOD. WANT PROOF?

Maurice, sliding memes into your dash

Maurice, who has one of the most popular meme accounts ON TUMBLR

Maurice and meme diversity

Maurice, who perfectly defines covfefe

Maurice, who has declared his love for Roger multiple times: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Maurice, who has a HUGE ASS DICK

now, to get into the actual relationship between Maurice and Roger: they are best friends, either that or Maurice has come the closest to being the best friend, having known each other since basically their birth (this was confirmed by Maurice himself, although Roger refused to acknowledge it with an adorable huff, we never see that huff again, and have come to the conclusion that the catalyst for this phenomena is Maurice). Maurice has, on multiple occasions, asked Roger to join him in various romantic acts, to which Roger AGREES, so yeah, this man RIGHT HERE IS THE SHIT AND THAT'S WHY U SHOULD VOTE FOR HIM GO VOTE FOR HIM NOWWW

#VOTE FOR MEME LORD TO GO WITH AESTHETIC ANGSTY FANBOY

 

**faceitimanasshole**

wtf is happening

 

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** reblogged from **faceitimanasshole** and added:

> **faceitimanasshole**
> 
> wtf is happening

Lmao idk either but it's interesting

 

 **Anonymous**    
SIMON DO U KNOW WHERE ROGER'S BEEN THE PAST FEW DAYS HE'S SO SILENT

**dont-touch-my-succulents**

I don't know either anon, but it's fall break and he SHOULD be constantly online WE HAD A BLOOD OATH

 

**meme-rice**

it has been a week since that war started. millions were massacred in cold blood in the fight for their beliefs. i, representing a side of this fight, chuckle darkly as i stand and watch from the sidelines, pulling out _my secret weapon_

MY DICK

lol jk pls don't take this seriously

 

**rogershipwar-discourse**

why have rogice or rogermon when we can have both?

may i present to you,

_ **ROGICEMON** _

HERE HAVE SOME HEADCANONS:

Read more

 

 

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 20m

there's a shitstorm outside and inside.

i feel attacked.

 

 **le ultimate fangirl** @dumboiscuteok • 20m

THERE YOU ARE WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS ON THE SHIP WAR????

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 20m
> 
> there's a shitstorm outside and inside.
> 
> i feel attacked.

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 19m

imagine being the exact cause to his tweet and remaining blissfully unaware of it

> **le ultimate fangirl** @dumboiscuteok • 20m
> 
> THERE YOU ARE WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS ON THE SHIP WAR????

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1s

i'm glad i steered clear of discourses since i first started tumblr 

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1m

lol.

> **Fallon Angel** @ rugbytheocean • 2y
> 
> came out to my parents today! they're completely supportive of me i'm so happy!!

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1m

that's it trade your fucking life with mine. now.

> **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 2m
> 
> i'm glad i steered clear of discourses since i first started tumblr

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1m

lol.

> **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 3y
> 
> Came out today! I filmed it too so go watch it on my tumblr:
> 
> tumblr.dont-touch-my-succulents/

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

i stalk random people in my free time stop asking.

 

 

 

**Today 16:27**

**Me (Simon)** Heyy are you okay? Talk to me whenever you want to I'll wait here   
 **Fellow fanboy** fine.  
 **Fellow fanboy** nothing happened.  
 **Fellow fanboy** wrote this though read if u want.  
 **Fellow fanboy**<http://archiveofourown.org/works/10580781>  
 **Me (Simon)** Okay I will  
 **Me (Simon)** Take care though it's raining tonight so don't go anywhere, I'll come over and bring you some brownies tomorrow  
 **Fellow fanboy** you're a fucking mom. don't bother yourself with my shit and go read the fucking fic.  
 **Me (Simon)** I'm everyone's mom ((: I will bake you brownies don't you worry sweet child  
 **Fellow fanboy** thanks. as little sugar as possible?   
 **Me (Simon)** As always  <3

 

 

 

Today at 17:00

 **meme-rice** confession timee

 **meme-rice** i'm jo

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Spirit that bears the name Jo, who are you and what have you done to Maurice's body?

 **meme-rice** to that doodle of roger u sent me

 **meme-rice** wtf

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Lol I thought you said you were someone named Jo

 **meme-rice** noo lol jo = jerk(ing) off

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** So, does the doodle match your fantasies ;)

 **meme-rice** ashamed meme :"))

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Well, in that case ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**dont-touch-my-succulents**

****

**meme-rice** BLUSHING MEME

 **meme-rice** SIMON Y U SO MEAN

 **meme-rice** MY DICK AIN'T THAT BIG

 **meme-rice** ACTUALLY NO DICKS ARE THAT BIG I THINK

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Just perspectives ;)

 **meme-rice** ok that's it this is my new jo pic lol

 **meme-rice** btw

 **meme-rice** where r u going with the ship war thing??

 **meme-rice** roger seems v uncomfortable 

 **meme-rice** i think we should stop

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** It all happens for a reason

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Whether or not it succeeds depends on your actions tonight

 **meme-rice** wAIT SO UR PRESSURING ROGER INTO LIKING ME OR SOMETHING????

 **meme-rice** THAT'S NOT GOOD

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** What? No I'd never do that! I didn't plan any of this

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** It's just that this will be the perfect time for Roger to confess to you and end the war

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** You know tumblr won't take neither for an answer

 **meme-rice** but likeee 

 **meme-rice** how are u so sure he likes me???

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** I have my method

 **meme-rice** I DEMAND AN ANSWER

 **don-touch-my-succulents** I CAN'T BETRAY ROGER IT'S TOO MUCH

 **meme-rice** WHAT DID HE SAY TELLLL

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** hetextedmeandtoldmehelikedyouwhenhewasdrunkascraplastyearwhenhesnuckintoseniorpromwithyouandjack

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** There, I said it

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** Forgive me Roger for I have sinned

 **meme-rice** blshinmemblshingmeemblushingmeme

 **meme-rice** ferventlyblushingmeme

 **meme-rice** ok i hate u simon i can't stop blushing nowww

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** YOU MADE ME SAY IT

 **dont-touch-my-succulents** I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THIS SHAMEFUL ACT

 **meme-rice** I'M FREAKING OUT AS WELL U KNO

 **meme-rice** THAT MEASN THAT THE 

 **meme-rice** THE KSISS IN THAT CLOSET WASS

 **meme-rice** WAS

 **meme-rice** LAKJJNFVLASKNVALKSNKLJASVNA

 **meme-rice** meme has malfunctioned

 

 

 

 **smol angsty bean**  
18:09

home?

aklsdjc

 what?

i asked if u were home.

um yea why?

coming over.

wHT

okay

why do u seem so panicked?

whATTT NO WAY

BUT IT'S RAINING

u going outside like this???

yeah. why?

thirty minutes.

BUT THAT'S LIKE WALKING TIME

WHERE'RE UR CARRR???

18:21

ROGER??

UR NOT REPLYING

 

 

 

**Me (Maurice), love advisor and jackass**   
**Today 18:25**

**Me (Maurice)**  HE COMING OVER I'M SPAZZING TF OUT  


  
 **Me (Maurice)** HALPPP  
 **jackass** doesn't he usually come over to ur place anyway  
 **Me (Maurice)** YEAHH but this time i have acquired exclusive knowledge about himmm  
 **jackass** and what is it?  
 **Me (Maurice)** SImonnn explain for me  
 **love advisor** I might have told him about last year's senior prom  
 **jackass** ok  
 **Me (Maurice)** IDK WHAT TO DOOO  
 **Me (Maurice)** HE'LL BE HERE ANY SECOND NOW  
 **jackass** lmao u have tonight to fuck him that's how i interpret this text  
 **Me (Maurice)** SIMONN what do u think??  
 **love advisor** Similar to Jack tbh  
 **Me (Maurice)** AKSDJCNAS U GUYS ARE ACTUALLY CONFIDENT I CAN GET THE D??  
 **jackass** more like the A roger is a bot  
 **Me (Maurice)** jEaLoUs MeMe   
 **Me (Maurice)** hOW DID U KNOW THAT  
 **love advisor**  It's written all over his tumblr lol  
 **Me (Maurice)** o um..  
 **Me (Maurice)** alskjdncasln ok imma go prepare stuff for him  
 **love advisor** WEAR PROTECTION  
 **jackass** he's gone  
 **love advisor** The bby is too far gone now I hope they end well and adopt cats  
 **jackass** u know i like this version of u more  
 **jackass** irl u is a fucking log  
 **love advisor** Right... if you don't want me to ruin our performance next month you'd better stahp  
 **jackass** try me bitch  
 **jackass** i'll make sure ralph's ass hurts the next time u see him if u even dare miss a note  
 **love advisor** hOW DARE   
 **love advisor** YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED NEAR MY SUNSHINE BBY EVER AGAIN  
 **love advisor** GO AWAY DEMON BE GONE

 

 

 

 **nervousnervousNERVOUS** @morerice • 1s

it's raining

hope he brought an umbrella

 

 **current rogice fangirl** @kittyexplosion • 1s

CUTE MAURICE WORRYING ABOUT HIS BOYFRIEND MOMENT WORTH RECORDING INTO ROGICE HISTORY @thing2

> **nervousnervousNERVOUS** @morerice • 1m
> 
> it's raining
> 
> hope he brought an umbrella

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 30s 

oh shit #revelation

 

 **that one guy with sunglasses** @dollarbill • 1s

wtf ?

> **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1m
> 
> oh shit #revelation

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1s

i now know the reason to those lols

> **that one guy with sunglasses** @dollarbill • 30s
> 
> wtf ?

 

 

 

**Today 18:54**

**bundle of angst** open your fucking door.  
 **Me (Maurice)** srry the rain was loud i wasn't paying attention  
 **Me (Maurice)** coming right downn  
 **bundle of angst** be fucking quick because i'm about to c

 

 

 

Roger collapsed forward the moment Maurice opened the door. He caught the soaked body in his arms, his heartbeats accelerating once more, still not completely recovered from the anticipation and surprise induced by the visit itself. He closed the door just one second after the shock, hastily dragging Roger inside, telling himself that he would deal with the water trails later. 

As Maurice stopped to switch to carrying Roger, something moved under the latter's shirt, causing Maurice's momentary mortification. Once it was over, he lifted the wet fabric, swallowing just a bit when his finger brushed through the unconscious boy's skin. That something moved again, and, in only a few seconds, a kitten was nestled on Maurice's neck, shivering, but considerably less soaked than its owner. Maurice made sure the kitten curling on his shoulders was steady, then hurried to his room. 

It took Maurice a long time before deciding on changing Roger's clothes for him. The kitten, named Cat in a Roger-like fashion, by then had been dried, and had found itself a bed in the pile of blankets and pillows on Maurice's own bed. Maurice carried the still-unconscious Roger into his bathroom, peeling off each item of clothing with extra care, before the rush of heat reached his face and he realized that "changing clothes" also meant changing Roger's underwear. A few more seconds of fervent blushing passed before he decided to lightly tug at the hem of the soaked boxers, his warm fingers trying to resist tracing along the cold skin. Why jerk off to Simon's doodles when the real thing is right there in front of him?

Maurice ended up squeezing his eyes shut to stay on task, but even so, the rhythm of Roger's breath was already too much.

Not long after Maurice laid him down on the bed, fully clothed, with a piping hot bowl of simple oatmeal congee (about the only dish belonging to the "soup" spectrum Maurice knew how to make) on the nightstand, Roger woke up. Maurice was playing with Cat as he waited, almost sighing in relief when he saw the groggy gray eyes opening. Seeing its owner finally waking up, Cat wiggled its butt a bit before pouncing on the bed, jumping its way to the sleepy boy in Maurice's clothes. Roger caught Cat, laying it on his lap and petting its head, (unknowingly) wearing the subtle but cute smile he had whenever he was around these tiny feline creatures. Maurice was even further gone now.

"Sorry for bothering you." Ever the consistent, even when he initiated the conversation. Maurice almost swallowed as the gray eyes were directed toward him, almost letting his heart fall out of his chest just from a simple look.

"Um.. yeah, it's— it's nothing." He finally managed a reply after a while of fidgeting. It wasn't like at school at all, and it wasn't like the other times, when Roger had his own clothes that fit. They were in the same room, alone together, and Roger was wearing Maurice's clothes, down to the underwear, which sagged down like a dress and were two sizes too large. Maurice reminded himself to breathe.

Roger didn't seem to pay his mind to this, and continued to pet his kitten. Maurice watched as the small smile began growing on his lips again, green eyes trailing up to look at gray, only to see a slight knitting of the brows and a particular sort of gloom, one that only Maurice recognized. The brunette stood up and made his way to the bed, in time to sit down and swipe away the drop of water rolling down his friend's cheek. Cat jumped on his lap, then launched itself down to the ground, retreating back to the pile of blankets, as if it knew when Roger needed privacy.  

"Is it the thing about them again?" He asked, and Roger nodded, slowly at first, then furiously. Maurice felt a tinge of pride in his guts, being the only person Roger confided in enough to know about his worst issue. It subsided fast enough when he saw the trembling lips.

"Told me they'd kill me. The— whole.. _family_ this time." Roger's voice gradually faded, before all there was left was his shaky breath.

Maurice said nothing, only pulling Roger onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him. He couldn't say anything throughout the entirety of the silence that he would normally have been uncomfortable with. He wished he could, but he was in no position to say such things, because they had done nothing but set Roger off in the past. So instead, Maurice just held his friend, sometimes rocking a bit like he would with a baby. On some occasions, a whole area of his shirt would be wet afterward, and on some else, he would be stuck sitting and holding a sleeping Roger, not daring to move. Maurice was fine with both.

"I want to stay over.. for a few days. Is that okay?" The voice that came from underneath his chin was getting sleepy again. 

"Yeah." 

"Thanks." 

The room was still bright when Roger finally decided to close his eyes, and Maurice thought maybe if he could invest on a remote controlled light system in his room, he wouldn't have to stare at the light for the next five hours or so. But Roger opened his eyes again, pushing Maurice down to the bed and telling him not to leave, then got up and turned off the lights, so that the room was now pitch black despite it being just eight in the evening. Roger climbed back into bed, pulled the blanket up to his elbow, legs tangling into Maurice's own. He lay his head on Maurice's chest, one arm draping on top of the brunette's torso, and Maurice hoped Roger couldn't hear the heart that was morphing into a drum in his chest. 

"Your shoulders are so wide, chest too. Good for sleeping on." Roger mumbled, then yawned a bit. "Wish that one person you like never came.. so I can sleep on you forever." 

There was a pang in Maurice's heart. 

"Roger, I l—"

"Shut. Let me sleep."

Maurice guessed that was the closest to a confession he could get. He was fine with that, too.

 

 

 

 **happy meme** @morerice • 1m

tfw when ur sleeping position is uncomfortable but he looks too cute sleeping so u can't risk it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((for clarification, the huge ass dick part is supposed to be a link to Jack's Instagram post, where Maurice commented that his dick was longer than Jack's by 1 inch in the previous chapter, not a photo of his dick))  
> the poll is an actual thing lol go vote just for shits and giggles  
> in other news, bill made a cameo


	7. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> click on eric's link

**erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me**

RARE FOOTAGE OF [SIMON FANBOYING IRL](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) 

NOT A CLICKBAIT!!!

 

 **samuel-l-jackson-backup** reblogged from **erik-lehsherr-is-marvel-me** and added:

> **erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me**
> 
> RARE FOOTAGE OF [SIMON FANBOYING IRL](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)
> 
> NOT A CLICKBAIT!!!

CLICK IT IT'S LEGIT SHIT™

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was totally not so entertained with the idea of eric rickrolling people that i made an entire chapter dedicated to it but hey, short chapter to distract you from the feels that i will try to add in


	8. VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> voltron references because i've been reading a lot of voltron shit lately (including dirty laundry aka the klance/laith bible)

**Me (Maurice), love advisor and jackass  
Today 6:07**

**love advisor** OK WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT I SAW THAT TWEET S P I L L  
**Me (Maurice)** we cuddled?  
**jackass** that's fucking it?  
**love advisor** You ruined my expectations  
**love advisor** I thought a person with a 9-inch dong would have done better  
**Me (Maurice)** ok first of all never use "dong" when addressing a dick again  
**Me (Maurice)** not only does it sound wrong it's down right depressing  
**jackass** who are u and where tf did all that salt come from?  
**Me (Maurice)** no lol it just spilled out i think roger possessed my body  
**Me (Maurice)** ANyway  
**Me (Maurice)** the only reason why we didn't do anything last night was because he didn't confess anything and was kind of a rollercoaster of emotions  
**jackass** ok yea that makes sense bc i remember why he kept lol-ing at the tweets  
**love advisor** He told me there was nothing to worry about yesterday so i didn't think much  
**love advisor** Although I did bake him my signature brownies to cheer him up a bit  
**Me (Maurice)** do u remember how all those tweets he answered to are tweets about coming out?  
**love advisor** Oh  
**Me (Maurice)** it's ok u didn't know  
**Me (Maurice)** he didn't tell anyone about it anyway only jack nd i know  
**Me (Maurice)** btw look look  
 **Me (Maurice)**  


 **love advisor** <3 at least you guys cuddled that's good   
 **love advisor** Simon approved  
 **love advisor** And Maurice?  
 **Me (Maurice)** ye??  
 **love advisor** Don't think I didn't notice you guys looking exactly like Lance and Keith down to the hairstyle and clothes  
 **jackass** fuck no roger doesn't have a fucking mullet  
 **love advisor** I beg to differ? Have you SEEN his hair??  
 **jackass** yes and he has long hair, not a fucking mullet  
 **Me (Maurice)** HOLY SHIT  
 **Me (Maurice)** yes we do   
 **Me (Maurice)** look like keith and lance that is  
 **Me (Maurice)** wait but does this mean the great jackass merridouche ALSO watches voltron???  
 **jackass** ...no  
 **love advisor** Yes  
 **jackass** ok look ralph fucking dragged me into it when we were doing netflix and chill  
 **love advisor** Did anyone hear Choo Choo? Because here comes the excuses train  
 **Me (Maurice)** this just in, jackass merribitch, head boi and secret nerd?  
 **jackass** wow  
 **jackass** i came to have a good time and i'm honestly feeling so fucking attacked rn  
 **jackass** u bitches don't deserve my sacrifice of waking up at this ungodly hour

 

 

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 8h

tfw netflix and chill becomes just netflix bc both parties agree that shiro is too hot not to continue

 

 **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 1m

IKR

> **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 8h
> 
> tfw netflix and chill becomes just netflix bc both parties agree that shiro is too hot not to continue

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1m

how did maurice survive without rosemary?

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 7h

who knew the great jackass merribitch is this much of a nerd?

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1m

i'll have u know i'm fucking offended by this and ur lucky u left my house early 

> **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 7h
> 
> who knew the great jackass merribitch is this much of a nerd?

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1s

three hours later, i emerge from the death trap called sleeping in only to find everyone collectively agrees on calling me jackass merridouche

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

ok @lordoftheplants maurice is blasting gasolina all around the fucking house and i need emotional support.

 

 **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 1s

HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BBY @morerice

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 30s
> 
> ok @lordoftheplants maurice is blasting gasolina all around the fucking house and i need emotional support.

 

 **happy meme** @morerice • 1s 

ok fine @severelyapathetic i will change the music to hips don't lie and get u to dance to it with me

> **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 1m
> 
> HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BBY @morerice

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

no.

> **happy meme** @morerice • 1s 
> 
> ok fine @severelyapathetic i will change the music to hips don't lie and get u to dance to it with me

 

 

 

**erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me**

ok guys we all know who won the ship war from this morning's twitter let's cease fire

or at least try to call a truce

#roger ship war  #rogice  #rogermon  

 

 **samuel-l-jackson-backup** reblogged from **erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me** and added:

> **erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me**
> 
> ok guys we all know who won the ship war from this morning's twitter let's cease fire
> 
> or at least try to call a truce

as much as i hate to accept our loss, he is being reasonable, and i'm supposed to be the level-headed twin, according to popular fandom headcanons

 

 **erik-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me** reblogged from **samuel-l-jackson-backup** and added:

> **samuel-l-jackson-backup**
> 
> as much as i hate to accept our loss, he is being reasonable, and i'm supposed to be the level-headed twin, according to popular fandom headcanons

wait what fandom headcanons?

 

 **princecharmingmyass**  

oneliner.

#scheduled post.  #aesthetic-ish.  #my art.  

 

 **princecharmingmyass**  

cat just sneezed. what a glorious spectacle.

 

 

 

**Today 10:13**

**bundle of angst** hey maurice?  
 **Me (Maurice)** yes child?  
 **bundle of angst** first of all, no.  
 **bundle of angst** can u come down here and help me with the food?  
 **Me (Maurice)** did u burn anything?  
 **bundle of angst** sort of?  
 **bundle of angst** please just come down.  
 **Me (Maurice)** i can hear u swearing  
 **Me (Maurice)** that's not a good sign isn't it  
 **bundle of angst** no.

 

 

 

 **happy meme** @morerice • 1m

so roger nearly burnt down my kitchen by attempting to make a salad

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1s

are u guys in the fucking sims or some shit

and how does roger even suck this much at cooking? u and i both saw him cook

> **happy meme** @morerice • 2m
> 
> so roger nearly burnt down my kitchen by attempting to make a salad

 

 **happy meme** @morerice • 1s 

yea so apparently performing flambé with our barbecue and attempting a salad require different skill levels

> **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1m
> 
> are u guys in the fucking sims or some shit
> 
> and how does roger even suck this much at cooking? u and i both saw him cook

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

@morerice @fuckinexclusive fuck u both.

 

 **happy meme** @morerice • 1s

with pleasure

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1m
> 
> @morerice @fuckinexclusive fuck u both.

 

 **Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 1s

sadly i can't join ur threesome as i'm happily taken by @rugbytheocean 

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1m
> 
> @morerice @fuckinexclusive fuck u both.

 

 **happy meme** @morerice • 1s 

google how do i pull roger out from his pile of shame under the sheets?

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

u don't.

> **happy meme** @morerice • 1m
> 
> google how do i pull roger out from his pile of shame under the sheets?

 

 **ROGICE LIVES** @thing2 • 1s

u have a 9-inch-dick use it

> **happy meme** @morerice • 1m
> 
> google how do i pull roger out from his pile of shame under the sheets?

 

 **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 1s

Dance to Shakira rmb emphasis on your hips 

> **happy meme** @morerice • 1m
> 
> google how do i pull roger out from his pile of shame under the sheets?

 

 

 

**Today 10:57**

**Me (Maurice)** rogerr  
 **bundle of angst** no.  
 **Me (Maurice)** i'm turning the music on  
 **bundle of angst** go away.  
 **Me (Maurice)** i'm starting to danceee  
 **Me (Maurice)** roger? u okay there? u aren't moving  
 **Me (Maurice)** ¿mi cariño?  
 **Me (Maurice)** te follaré después de este baile  
 **Me (Maurice)** did u just throw ur phone away?

 

(Roger ended up being pulled into a dance after he got over his initial embarrassment (even though he can't dance for shit). Maurice didn't do as he said he would afterward, which was a loss on us fangirls' part and a relief on Roger's part because who fucking allowed Maurice to be sexy when he danced and Roger didn't want to think about that charm being utilized in the bedroom. It gave him goosebumps and made his face heat up like Satan's personal shitstained sauna.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> too much voltron references who? i don't know her


	9. IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i spy with my little eyes 
> 
> some ominous clouds
> 
> \+ more voltron because i am tRaSh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so some more directory stuff for you to remember:
> 
> [person in square brackets] : person on the other side of the phone call
> 
>  **person in bold** : person whose pov we are looking through

**Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 6h

there is an ap bio test right after fall break and that fact fucked us all over

#sendhelp

Beez-kneez retweeted   
**Jack Merri-8-inch-dick** @fuckinexclusive • 6h

there is an ap bio test right after fall break and that fact fucked us all over

#sendhelp

 

 **Beez-kneez** @thing2 • 1h

my and sam's tragic downfall starts with binging on shitty sit-coms when we were supposed to be studying

 

 **Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1h

i feel like i'm missing out on a lot lately

i think jess forgot i existed 

 

No. 1 Bookaholic retweeted  
**Fallon Angel** @rugbytheocean • 1h

i feel like i'm missing out on a lot lately

i think jess forgot i existed 

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 5h

keith and lance klanced my soul haha i made a joke are u laughing.

 

 **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 2m

The real joke here is that you and @morerice are the irl Klance

> **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 5h
> 
> keith and lance klanced my soul haha i made a joke are u laughing.

 

 **happy meme** @morerice • 1s

oH NO WE ARE #eXPOsEd

ROGER AND MAURICE ARE KLANCE IRL REINCARNATION CONFIRMED

*x files theme plays* 

> **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 3m
> 
> The real joke here is that you and @morerice are the irl Klance

 

 **happy meme** @morerice • 1s

@severelyapathetic *softly with a lot of feelings* h E Y M A N

 

 **Life of a tree-hugger** @lordoftheplants • 1s

@morerice @severelyapathetic You guys are also the irl Pliroy omg

 

 **scream in 45 languages** @severelyapathetic • 1s

@morerice @lordoftheplants i hate u both.

 

 

 

**dont-touch-my-succulents**

Never in my short life have I seen a ship war ending so... quickly and peacefully

#Roger ship war  #Rogice  #Rogermon  #Wow  #I am appalled  #And impressed  #Great job Tumblr  #For once

 

 **oceaneyes** reblogged from **neeedy**

> **neeedy**
> 
> keep me close or else.

 

**meme-rice**

gnna disappear into a pile of stuffed animals and cuddle roger and watch stranger things in one (1) sitting

see y'all in 8 hours

#stranger things  #rogice  #yES I USED THE TAG  #u know y??  #i'm passing out free shipping material  #ship away mis hijos

 

 **eric-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me** reblogged from **dont-touch-my-succulents** and added:

> **dont-touch-my-succulents**
> 
> Never in my short life have I seen a ship war ending so... quickly and peacefully

tru tho

 

 **eric-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me** reblogged from **meme-rice** and added:

> **meme-rice**
> 
> gnna disappear into a pile of stuffed animals and cuddle roger and watch stranger things in one (1) sitting
> 
> see y'all in 8 hours

Best Man and Boyfriend award goes to Maurice

#rogice  #seriously tho why are they so cute

 

 **meme-rice** reblogged from **eric-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me** and added:

> **eric-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me**
> 
> Best Man and Boyfriend award goes to Maurice

not boyfriend yet but thank u

seriously tho i gotta get back to watching or roger _will_ cut my ball sack off ~~and~~ i ~~need them for [undisclosed activities]~~

 

 **samuel-l-jackson-backup** reblogged from **meme-rice** and added:

> **meme-rice**
> 
> not boyfriend yet but thank u
> 
> seriously tho i gotta get back to watching or roger  _will_  cut my ball sack off  ~~and~~ i ~~need them for [undisclosed activities]~~

you can tap that ass we have faith in you

and yes, I am aware that I have been dragged to the bottomless pit of Rogice but seriously THEY ARE SO CUTE HOW COULD YOU NOT???

#rogice

 

**eric-lehnsherr-is-marvel-me**

i emerge victorious

 

 

 

 

**gardenista**

Liked by **gallileostarboy** , **meme.chief.maurice** and   
**47 others**

 **gardenista** @high.on.lithium Custom-made brownies,  
so little sugar and probably brooding just like him

 **gallileostarboy** talk with me for a sec?

 **gardenista** sure buddy

30 minutes ago

 

 

 

**Today 8:13**

**simone** So?  
**simone** What's been bothering you?  
**Me (Ralph)** call

 

 

 

**[8:14]**

Call from **simone** —— **[Pick up]** —— Decline

[You seem... off? Everything okay?]

**no, not really**

[You know you can tell me everything right?]

**yeah**

[So please do, Roger's brownies still need time to cool a bit. I can still talk]

**i feel like jack isn't telling me everything, like he's still hiding something. i don't thinking that something is important to our relationship now, per se, but, still, there's something he hasn't told me yet about us**

[And you know this because?]

i **don't know, it's just a gut feeling thing. maybe** i'm **just being too insecure for my own good again**

[Okay, or maybe you aren't, there are equal chances of both things happening, considering that Jack is kind of a conceited apricot hellbeast]

**don't say those two phrases together ever again**

[Noted. Anyway, what did he say that gave you that.. um... suspicion?]

 **well, every time** i **scroll up near that point my** tumblr **app crashes, but he did say something during our first time talking—**

[You guys first talked to each other next to a vending machine]

 **okay, first of all, why did you remember that, and second of all, no,** i **meant that time when** i **was drunk texting him**

[Okay... I never wanted to remember that time again because you lied to me, but what did he say?]

**something along the lines of "but we were enemies"**

[I mean, you guys do bicker a lot]

**yeah, but is it to the point of enemies?**

[I don't know, but do you think it's important for you to know?]

**i don't think it's that important, really, just... i kinda want to know why he thought we were enemies**

[Talk to him, then. Communication is key is relationships my child]

**i don't know how to, like, even start this conversation. do i just open a chat and ask him?**

[Of course not, bring it up naturally. You're good at that]

**right, i forgot i was for a moment there. thanks for the talk anyway, simon**

[Anytime]

_Call ended 8:09_

 

 

 

**Today 8:49**

**simon.** Roger I'm downstairs

 

 

 

**[8:51]**

2 Missed calls from **simon.**

 

 

 

**Today 8:53**

**Me (Roger)** hey this is maurice on roger's phone cuz he's sleeping so much for stranger things haha (i'll send u pics later he's SO CUTE WTF)  
**Me (Roger)** what's up?? why were u at roger's??  
**simon.** Nothing really I just brought him some brownies  
**simon.** I promised him some the other day  
**Me (Roger)** can u bring them over to my house thanks roger's still here  
**simon.** Roger's never been at your house for more than two days before. What's the matter?  
**Me (Roger)** um..  
**Me (Roger)** i'm not in the position to tell u just pls bring the brownies over to my house  
**simon.** Okay...  
**Me (Roger)** thank u

 

 

 

**[9:10]**

Call from **Plant Lord** —— **[Pick up]** —— Decline

[Hey, I'm here]

**bROWNIESSS**

[Okay, but I still don't get the deal over at Rog— sweet Jesus I can hear you screaming from outside]

**i'm outside, hand me the goods**

[They're brownies, not pot brownies. And why are we still talking over the phone?]

**it feels less awkward this way when i discuss confidential information**

[Things about Roger?]

**shut up he'll hear you**

[I thought he's sleeping?]

**yeah but he has sharp ears, all... trained at his house**

[Oh]

**yeah, it's really... all i can tell you right now, just, like hinting a bit at it and hope you somewhat get the picture**

[Yeah]

**don't worry, he'll tell you when he's ready. it's not that you're not a good friend, he just... takes longer to trust people and he's known me the longest**

[It's fine, I'm glad you're actually good at handling him]

**i feel very flattered, thank you**

[Anyway, I should head back, and this face-to-face phone communication thing is doing a number on my wallet, so... see you guys at school]

**see yo— wait, did you tell his parents where he was?**

[I told them he _might be_ at your place]

**shit**

_Call ended 7:18_

 

 

 

**[9:18]**

5 missed calls from **матушка**.

6 missed calls from **лалочка**.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i annihilated the fourth wall and had to rewrite this 5 times (thanks to ao3's un-autosaveable nature) 
> 
> also the two russian words at the end translate to mother and father respectively

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how this will come out on mobile because I formatted it on the PC version. If you're on mobile and it looks like shit, I sincerely apologize.
> 
> On another note, most of the photos the boys post are drawn by me (except if they are memes, then it's from the internet).


End file.
